Recently I've been relenting. My inspiration has gone, lost to work and life. The first two months of this year have been swallowed by my day job, leaving me exhausted and without motivation. I feel clouded by workload in both my personal and professional life that has left me feeling as thought I'm only able to watch as life runs away from me.
Writing, blogging, photography, baking, even reading has fallen by the wayside as I've desperately attempted to cling onto what little control I have left.
The clarity brought about by walking in the fresh air, traipsing across hills where the villages below look like toys towns, remembering how very small you are in this huge world, gives no help. My brain continues to buzz in its insular, inward way, unable to open out to let anything in.
Searching for a solution to the lack of motivation has meant that I have stumbled over the answer to my question of why I'm so uninspired; I'm homesick.
Derbyshire is a beautiful part of the country and certainly is a great place to live but I can't help but feel claustrophobic here. Penned in by fields, dry stone walls and miles upon miles of land. I am a sea creature built purely to function on the smell of the sea in the air and the sound of swilling ripples.
I am homesick for waves, for crisp, salty sea air, for the promise of freedom given by the seemingly endless stretch of sea. I am homesick for the calm of the sea, whether its toiling or laying still. I am homesick for the all absorbing serenity that comes with being soothed by the waters.
I'm sure inspiration will come back to me soon enough. It can't stay away forever. But I can't help but feel as though it would come to me all that much quicker if I were able to go home for a while.
Home is always where the heart is and I'm fast learning that the head can't function without the heart.